Politics

Politics

Conservatives clarify Charlie Kirk’s '2nd amendment tyranny defense' tweet was intended under Democrat leadership

Conservative scholars have rushed to add a necessary asterisk to Charlie Kirk’s calls for armed resistance, explaining that "government overreach" is a technical term that only refers to actions taken by people who support freedom for all people.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/25/2026 2 min read

Politics

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem warns Americans not to trust the government

Cabinet member courageously exposes dangerous incompetence of cabinet member in stunning act of self-awareness.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/11/2026 2 min read

Politics

White House vows to hunt down white American soccer moms in latest crackdown

Administration officials clarify menacing social media post was directed at minivan-driving suburban parents, not illegal immigrants as initially assumed.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/11/2026 2 min read

Politics

Kristi Noem assures ICE protects American citizens after American citizen is killed by ICE

Kristi Noem defends ICE agent's shooting of American citizen Renee Nicole Good, calling it self-defense and an appropriate response to "domestic terrorism" during Minneapolis immigration operation.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/7/2026 4 min read

Politics

U.S. veteran Trump supporter stunned to learn deportation policy included his wife

U.S. veteran who enthusiastically voted for mass deportations reports feeling "completely blindsided" after discovering his own wife was, in fact, an immigrant subject to deportation.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/5/2026 2 min read

Politics

FIFA peace prize winner Trump launches military assault on Venezuela one month after receiving award

Inaugural recipient of soccer organization's newly created peace honor demonstrates commitment to global unity by ordering strikes on sovereign nation, capturing its president.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/3/2026 3 min read

Politics

President Trump admits he wears compression socks and makeup to hide sickness

Trump says he prefers 10-second makeup routine to hide bruising over medically necessary garments, confirms he wants "nice, thin blood pouring through" his heart.

By The Beltway Times Staff 1/2/2026 2 min read

Politics

Trump-supporting nurse shocked president she voted for doesn't consider saving lives a professional job

Pediatric ER nurse who works on frontlines of healthcare learns her Bachelor of Science degree is less professional than theology.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/30/2025 3 min read

Politics

A wave of Kennedy Center cancellations putting serious damper on Ric Grenell's holiday season

Trump-appointed president of renamed performing arts venue reports Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve performances have been canceled by artists protesting name change, leaving him with nothing to do during festive period.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/30/2025 2 min read

Politics

Federal worker discovers 'draining the swamp' included his own job while wife battled terminal cancer

Trump voter baffled after policies he voted for impact him personally.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/29/2025 3 min read

Politics

Petition to deport MAGA rapper Nicki Minaj to Trinidad hits 30k signatures after she came to U.S. illegally

Undocumented immigrant who praised Trump's anti-immigration policies now facing deportation calls from fans shocked to discover she entered country illegally at age 5.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/28/2025 3 min read

Politics

Muslim podcaster who embraced white nationalism gets kicked from TPUSA event

Fresh and Fit host Myron Gaines, who spent years agreeing that America belongs to white Christians, reportedly confused after being ejected from Turning Point USA event.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/28/2025 2 min read

Politics

Trump posts nearly 200 times in Christmas holiday miracle as president takes time to really connect with loved ones

President demonstrates party's commitment to family togetherness by spending 16 consecutive hours of Christmas glued to phone attacking political enemies, sharing conspiracy theories

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/26/2025 2 min read

Politics

Trump proposes broadcast license revocation for negative coverage, cites Russia and China as models of excellence

President celebrates authoritarian media control tactics while championing freedom of speech.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/24/2025 2 min read

Politics

Farmers who voted 78% for Trump sound alarm over his $12 billion aid package being inadequate to save farms from bankruptcy they helped create

Nation's farming communities express deep concern that $50-per-acre payments won't prevent thousands of bankruptcies resulting from trade policies they overwhelmingly supported at the ballot box.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/22/2025 2 min read

Politics

Trump denies disaster aid to county that voted 83% for him, citing need to 'own the libs'

President Trump has denied federal disaster assistance to Rio Blanco County, Colorado, where residents voted overwhelmingly for him in 2024, proving that loyalty to the president is no match for his commitment to punishing states with Democratic governors.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/22/2025 3 min read

Politics

Republicans support impeaching Pam Bondi after punishing every GOP member who voted to impeach Trump

Republican Party experiences miraculous epiphany about legitimacy of impeachment procedures mere weeks after systematically destroying careers of every GOP member who voted to impeach Trump.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/22/2025 3 min read

Politics

RFK Jr. sells out family legacy for cabinet position

Health Secretary expresses dismay after president adds "Trump" to Kennedy Center following his endorsement, calls it "a bridge too far" despite selling out entire dynasty for job.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/20/2025 3 min read

Politics

MAGA leaders confirm Trump exempt from own 'celebrating political violence' deportation policy

Administration officials clarify that president who mocked murdered director hours after death doesn't meet criteria for visa revocation, job termination that applied to 600+ Americans.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/15/2025 3 min read

Politics

Rural America supported Trump: now expected to lose their properties

Farming-dependent counties that gave Trump 78% of their votes now express confusion as to why the trade war and tariff policies they enthusiastically supported are causing record bankruptcies and property losses.

By The Beltway Times Staff 12/15/2025 2 min read