AUSTIN, TX — The Texas Senate Tuesday decisively voted to approve a new congressional redistricting map, moving to protect voters from the chore of having their voices meaningfully heard. The measure is being hailed by its supporters as a necessary corrective to the unpredictable whims of the democratic process.
The 19-2 party-line vote proceeded after nine of the Senate's eleven Democrats walked out of the chamber. The walkout was a dramatic, if ultimately futile, protest against the GOP's creative cartography, which artfully redraws the state's political landscape to favor incumbents who don't know what's best for them.
"There's only one party here that has actually abdicated its responsibility, and that's the Republican Party," lamented Sen. Nathan Johnson of Dallas to reporters outside the chamber, apparently under the impression that responsibility involves listening to a fascist president rather than the constituents.
The two remaining Democrats, Sens. Judith Zaffirini and Chuy Hinojosa, stayed behind, presumably to witness the historic moment when their state’s governing body formally embraced the concept that some votes are simply more equal than others.
The map was drawn up following a helpful suggestion from President Donald Trump. In July, Trump, noticing a disturbing trend of voters electing Democrats, advised Texas Republicans to correct this oversight by gerrymandering. The state GOP, eager to please, sprang into action, viewing the directive less as a partisan power grab and more as a request from a concerned citizen with an excellent feel for the will of the people.
The new map is projected to flip as many as five U.S. House seats from blue to red, a move experts say will streamline the democratic process by removing unnecessary suspense from future elections. The Justice Department has also weighed in, with Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights Harmeet Dhillon clarifying in July that certain "coalition districts," composed of diverse racial groups who inconveniently vote in unison, are not protected by the Voting Rights Act and are therefore ripe for dismantling.
Meanwhile, the bill's passage in the Texas House has been temporarily stymied by its own Democratic members, who fled the state in August to prevent a quorum. Governor Greg Abbott has gently threatened to call endless special sessions and punish the runaway Democrats by gerrymandering up to ten districts into oblivion if they do not return to their seats and accept the new political reality.
Civil rights groups have voiced tepid objections. John Bisognano, president of the National Democratic Redistricting Committee, released a statement suggesting the map might be "targeting Texans of color" and that millions of people "will have their voices silenced."
"Make no mistake, if Texas Republicans enact this discriminatory map, they will face swift, significant resistance from the people and in the courts," Bisognano warned, seemingly unaware that the entire mission of the map is to render such resistance moot.
