Former reality TV host and current Commander-in-Chief Donald J. Trump has once again proven that no one can out-petty him at redecorating America’s most famous residence. This week, Trump unveiled a “Presidential Walk of Fame” along the West Wing Colonnade — complete with gilded frames, stately portraits, and… wait for it… a picture of an autopen where Joe Biden’s portrait should be. Yes, an autopen. The machine that signs papers. You literally can’t make this up.
According to White House social media (which has become indistinguishable from a middle schooler), the “new tradition” is a way of honoring America’s presidents — but apparently only the ones Trump deems worthy. Instead of Biden’s official portrait, visitors are treated to a glossy glamour shot of the mechanical pen that helped the former president sign documents. It’s like Mount Rushmore replaced Lincoln’s face with a stapler.
Trump’s obsession with Biden’s autopen use isn’t new. He’s spent years spinning conspiracy theories about Biden not “really” making decisions during his presidency — as though the Commander-in-Chief was just binge-watching “Matlock” while aides ran the country. Never mind that autopens have been used for decades by presidents of both parties, including Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, and yes, even Trump’s own administration. Facts are apparently as welcome in this White House as progressive ideas.
Biden himself clapped back at the ridiculous stunt with a statement that was equal parts exasperation and eye-roll: “Let me be clear: I made the decisions during my presidency. Any suggestion that I didn’t is ridiculous and false.” Translation: “Donald is a big fat liar.”
The autopen “portrait” is just the latest in Trump’s interior-decorating-as-political-payback trend. Remember when he yanked Hillary Clinton’s portrait off the wall and swapped it for a red, white, and blue painting of himself? Or when he demoted the portraits of Barack Obama and both George Bushes to a less-visible hallway like they were kids in time-out? Now, he’s turned the iconic Jefferson-era colonnade into his own “Petty Palace,” complete with umbrella tables and plans for a massive ballroom. Because nothing says “presidential dignity” like hosting $500-a-plate MAGA soirées where the Rose Garden used to be.
Trump even bragged to The Daily Caller about the autopen decision, as though he’d just solved world hunger. “It’s a decision I have to make. We put up a picture of the autopen,” he said. The phrasing alone suggests he thinks he’s starring in a Bravo reality show called “Extreme Makeover: White House Edition.”
Critics are already calling the move a “historic low” in presidential pettiness, and historians are bracing for the day future schoolchildren are taught about “the Autopen Era” sandwiched between the Louisiana Purchase and Watergate. Even conservative commentators are reportedly squirming — because while they’re fine with culture-war theatrics, replacing an elected president’s portrait with office equipment makes the whole movement look like an episode of The Office.
Meanwhile, construction crews keep hammering away at Trump’s plans for a grand ballroom on the White House grounds — because when you’re erasing presidential history, you might as well throw in a dance floor. The “Rose Garden Club,” as Trump has dubbed it, is shaping up to be part Mar-a-Lago, part Versailles, and part high school cafeteria, complete with revenge seating charts.
In the end, Trump’s autopen stunt isn’t about Biden. It’s about rewriting the narrative, one gilded frame at a time, and turning the people’s house into a monument to his own grievances.
And so, the West Wing Colonnade — once a dignified walkway used by presidents since Jefferson — is now ground zero for the kind of middle-school “burn book” politics that have become the Trump era’s signature. Congratulations, America!
