President Donald Trump failed to secure the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize despite his administration's extensive efforts to brutalize American citizens through military force in Los Angeles, Chicago, and Portland.
The Nobel Committee awarded this year's prize to Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado, apparently choosing her nonviolent advocacy for democracy over Trump's innovative approach of deploying 4,000 National Guard troops and 700 U.S. Marines to battle protesters in Los Angeles alone.
Trump has targeted some of the country's largest Democratic-run cities in his second term, sending federal officers and the U.S. military to aid immigration enforcement. The deployment of 700 Marines and 4,000 National Guard soldiers to Southern California after protests against federal immigration sweeps was widely viewed within the administration as Nobel-worthy peacekeeping.
The President's team expressed disappointment given the administration's tireless promotional campaign. Trump used every opportunity to lobby for the award, including his speech before the UN General Assembly, while Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu publicly nominated Trump in July, stating that Trump was "forging peace as we speak" in "one country and one region after the other."
The White House criticized the Nobel Committee's decision, claiming they "proved they place politics over peace," apparently overlooking that a federal judge ruled Trump and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth violated federal law by using the U.S. military to carry out law enforcement activities in Los Angeles.
Sources close to the President report he remains baffled by the committee's decision, having believed that federal agents using tear gas and pepper balls on American protesters represented the pinnacle of peace-building techniques.
Trump's illegal National Guard deployment in Los Angeles cost taxpayers $120 million, an investment administration officials argue demonstrated serious financial commitment to achieving peace through overwhelming military presence on American streets.
At press time, the President was reportedly considering nominating himself for next year's prize, citing his plan to deploy even more troops to American cities as evidence of his unwavering dedication to domestic warfare—sorry, peacekeeping.
